Ride, Cowboy, Ride! Read online

  ALSO BY BAXTER BLACK

  The Cowboy and His Dog

  A Rider, a Roper and a Heck’uva Windmill Man

  On the Edge of Common Sense, the Best So Far

  Doc, While Yer Here

  Buckaroo History

  Coyote Cowboy Poetry

  Croutons on a Cow Pie

  The Buckskin Mare

  Cowboy Standard Time

  Croutons on a Cow Pie, Vol. 2

  Hey, Cowboy, Wanna Get Lucky?

  Dunny and the Duck

  Cow Attack

  Cactus Tracks and Cowboy Philosophy

  A Cowful of Cowboy Poetry

  Horseshoes, Cowsocks, and Duckfeet

  AgMan; the Comic Book

  Hey, Cowgirl, Need a Ride?

  Blazin’ Bloats and Cows on Fire!

  The World According to Baxter Black; Quips, Quirks and Quotes

  The Back Page

  Lessons from a Desperado Poet

  Rudolph’s Night Off

  RIDE, COWBOY, RIDE!

  8 Seconds Ain’t That Long

  A rodeo novel

  BAXTER BLACK

  Copyright © 2012 by Baxter Black

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to Globe Pequot Press, Attn: Rights and Permissions Department, PO Box 480, Guilford, CT 06437.

  TwoDot is an imprint of Globe Pequot Press and a registered trademark of Morris Book Publishing, LLC.

  Project editor: Meredith Dias

  Layout: Sue Murray

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Black, Baxter, 1945-

  Ride, cowboy, ride! : 8 seconds ain’t that long : a rodeo novel /

  Baxter Black.

  p. cm.

  Summary: “This hilarious new novel by America’s best-selling cowboy

  poet, Baxter Black, offers a funny, fast-paced inside look at the lives

  of rodeo cowboys and the women they love—or that they want to love”—

  Provided by publisher.

  ISBN 978-0-7627-8046-4 (hardback)

  1. Cowboys—Fiction. 2. Rodeos—Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3552.L288R53 2012

  813'.54—dc23

  Printed in the United States of America

  E-ISBN 978-0-7627-8760-9

  CONTENTS

  PROLOGUE: The Present

  March 3, Lafayette, Louisiana

  Cooney Looks Back

  CHAPTER 1: February, One Year Earlier

  The Tucson Fiesta de los Vaqueros

  CHAPTER 2: February 28, Monday

  A Visit to Benson

  CHAPTER 3: March 1 and 2, Tuesday and Wednesday

  Valley City, North Dakota

  CHAPTER 4: March 16, 12:01 a.m.

  On the Road from Houston to Austin

  CHAPTER 5: March 16, Wednesday

  Pincher Creek, Alberta

  CHAPTER 6: March 16

  Rodeo in Austin

  CHAPTER 7: March 17

  Cooney Awakens in Ruta’s Apartment and Rides in Austin

  CHAPTER 8: March 27, Easter Morning

  Somewhere on the Road

  CHAPTER 9: May 2, Morning

  In a Motel in Leduc, Alberta

  CHAPTER 10: May 10, Monday

  OVER THE TOP ATHLETIC ­COSMETICS Offices, Denver­ Tech Center

  CHAPTER 11: May 19, Thursday

  Straight Hooks Up with OTT and Goes to Miles City

  CHAPTER 12: May 20, Saturday

  Cooney Arrives at Miles City

  CHAPTER 13: May 21, Sunday

  Miles City, Morning After

  CHAPTER 14: May 2, Sunday

  Rodeo, Canadian Style

  CHAPTER 15: May 27, Friday

  Pica Has Interview in Denver

  CHAPTER 16: May 28, Saturday

  Pincher Creek, Alberta, Supper and a Do

  CHAPTER 17: May 31, Tuesday, Day after Memorial Day

  Oui Oui’s Interview with Turk and Company, Denver Tech Center

  CHAPTER 18: May 30, Monday, 11:00 a.m.

  On the Road

  CHAPTER 19: June 27–July 4, A Particular Thursday, June 30

  Greeley, Colorado

  CHAPTER 20: August 5,

  The Republican River at the Willa Cather State Historical Site

  CHAPTER 21: August 15, Monday

  Boise Airport

  CHAPTER 22: August 15, Monday Evening

  Caldwell, Idaho

  CHAPTER 23: August 17, Wednesday

  Caldwell Night Rodeo

  CHAPTER 24: August 19, Friday

  Caldwell Night Rodeo

  CHAPTER 25: Last Ten Days of August

  Pica’s Story

  CHAPTER 26: August 21, Sunday Morning

  Detour to Goose Valley

  CHAPTER 27: August 21, Sunday Evening

  In Stone’s Sweat Lodge

  CHAPTER 28: August 22, Monday

  Owyhee County, Idaho

  CHAPTER 29: August 25–27

  Kennewick, Washington, to San Juan Capistrano Rodeo

  CHAPTER 30: August 27

  San Juan Capistrano, Party Time!

  CHAPTER 31: August 27, Saturday Night

  The Llama Ride!

  CHAPTER 32: September 6, Tuesday, 1:00 p.m., Day after Labor Day

  Miami Airport

  CHAPTER 33: September 8, Thursday

  Moses Lake, Washington,On the Road

  CHAPTER 34: September 26, Monday

  Oklahoma City Airport, Cooney Goes to Alberta; Straight Goes to Denver

  CHAPTER 35: September 27, Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.

  Pincher Creek, Alberta

  CHAPTER 36: September 27

  Pincher Creek, Alberta, on the D’TroiT Ranch

  CHAPTER 37: September 28, Wednesday

  Denver Airport

  CHAPTER 38: September 29–October 1

  Omaha Qwest Center

  CHAPTER 39: October 1, Saturday Night

  Omaha after the Rodeo Party

  CHAPTER 40: October 1, Late at Night

  Omaha, Cooney Calls Pica

  CHAPTER 41: October 18, Tuesday

  Denver, Colorado, Meeting at OVER THE TOP ATHLETIC COSMETICS Headquarters, Denver Tech Center, 10th Floor

  CHAPTER 42: October 19

  On Highway 90 between Houston and Beaumont

  CHAPTER 43: November 15, Tuesday, Five Weeks Later

  On the Road to Alberta

  CHAPTER 44: November 15, Tuesday, 2:00 p.m.

  Lethbridge, Alberta

  CHAPTER 45: November 19, Saturday, Midday

  Hunting Trip

  CHAPTER 46: November 19, Saturday Afternoon

  The Bear Attack

  CHAPTER 47: November 25, Day after Thanksgiving

  Philip, South Dakota

  CHAPTER 48: November 24–November 30

  In Cyberspace

  CHAPTER 49: December 1, Thursday

  Las Vegas, Wrangler National Finals Rodeo

  CHAPTER 50: December 1, Thursday Night

  Las Vegas, First Performance of the Finals

  CHAPTER 51: December 5, Monday

  Fifth Performance of the National Finals Rodeo

  CHAPTER 52: Oui Oui’s Background to Bring Us Up to Date

  CHAPTER 53: December 8, Thursday, Midday

  South of Waterton Park, Alberta

  CHAPTER 54: December 8, Thursday, Noonish

  On a Side Road off Highway 89 near Browning, Montana

  CHAPTER 55: December 8, Thursday

  Still on the Trai
l with Pica

  CHAPTER 56: December 8, 9:32 a.m.

  Innercom Hotel, Las Vegas

  CHAPTER 57: December 8, Thursday, Midday

  On Interstate 15 in Montana, In Teddie Arizona’s Car

  CHAPTER 58: December 9, Friday Night

  Ninth Performance of NFR

  CHAPTER 59: December 9

  The Ninth Performance Continues

  CHAPTER 60: December 9

  Ninth Performance, Cooney’s Bull Ride

  CHAPTER 61: December 9, Friday

  After the Rodeo in the OTT Booth

  CHAPTER 62: December 9

  Cooney and Pica Meet after the Rodeo

  CHAPTER 63: December 9–10

  Pica and Cooney Plan an Attack on Oui Oui

  CHAPTER 64: December 10, Late Afternoon

  Pica Gets Caught in Oui Oui’s Room

  CHAPTER 65: December 10, Saturday Afternoon

  Oui Oui’s Hotel Room, Feliz’s Fashion Show

  CHAPTER 66: December 10, Saturday, After Dark

  Feliz Convinces Pica to Model

  CHAPTER 67: December 10, 8:00 p.m.

  Pica Models, Cooney to Rescue!

  CHAPTER 68: December 10, Saturday, Final Performance of NPR

  Straight Turns Out His Horse

  CHAPTER 69: December 10, Saturday, Getting Late!

  Pica and Cooney Escape Down the Zipline

  CHAPTER 70: December 10, Saturday, 8:30 p.m.

  Cooney and Pica Escape the Casino/Hotel

  CHAPTER 71: December 10, Saturday, 9:00 p.m.

  The Wedding

  CHAPTER 72: December 10, Saturday Night

  The Big OTT Party After The Last Performance

  CHAPTER 73: December 10, Saturday Night

  Still at the OTT Party

  CHAPTER 74: December 10, Saturday Night

  Party Aftermath

  CHAPTER 75: December 11, Sunday, 12:13 a.m.

  Palms A GO-GO Motel

  CHAPTER 76: December 11, Sunday Morning, 3:44 a.m.

  Consummation

  CHAPTER 77: December 11, Sunday, 7:30 a.m.

  In the Hotel Room with the Bedlams

  CHAPTER 78: December 11, Sunday, Midmorning

  Waking Up to a New Day

  CHAPTER 79: December 11, Sunday Afternoon

  The Bedlams Leave Town

  EPILOGUE

  February 27, 6:00 p.m., Sunday Night, Two Months after the NFR

  At La Fiesta de los Vaqueros in Tucson

  The Real End

  Pistol-Packin’ Pawnshop Pinup Girl

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  This novel is dedicated to all those people who work behind the scenes in rodeo to make it run smoother, look better, and stay on course. In particular, stand-outs like Sonny Linger, Darrell Barron, Sunni Deb Backstrom, and Linda Santos

  THE HELL CREEK BAR

  In the Hell Creek Bar by the light of a star, you’ll find yourself where the cowboys are all talkin’ ’bout horses they’ve rode. The buckers they’ve known, the times they’ve been thrown, and the stories they tell might cut to the bone . . . long as the whiskey flowed.

  And amongst this crew who’d forked a few, they could rally on and bally hoo and make you buy a round or two just to hear one more. They’d crack a smile like a crocodile then try to put the truth on trial and all the while their lies would pile like beernut bags on the barroom floor.

  They were kinda loud for a Hi-Line crowd, Jordan tough—Dakota proud, where drawin’ out just ain’t allowed and you better back your claim. They might concede Texans succeed but the bulk, they’d say, of the saddle bronc breed comes from the land of the Sioux and the Swede and proudly carries the flame.

  And I learned right quick in their bailiwick it didn’t even count a lick if you were a bareback man. “That’s child’s play,” they’d sneer and say, “The only game there is to play is saddle broncs, ’cause that’s the way it is in ol’ Montan.”

  To slap yer hide on a bareback snide ain’t nothin’ but a dishrag ride. A good cowboy just can’t abide floppin’ around that way. Ridin’ broncs is an eagle’s wing, a prehistoric reckoning, a panther’s pulse about to spring, a buckin’ horse ballet.

  Like skippin’ rocks or tickin’ clocks, an army tank with Mustang shocks, a magnum load with the hammer cocked, a moment caught in time. Suspended there, this purist pair, with Casey-Necktie savoir-faire, two poets in an easy chair makin’ ridin’ rhyme.

  And I’ll make a stand that a good one can ride through a storm in ol’ Cheyenne, a Champagne glass in the hack rein hand and never spill a drop. ’Cause he’s a strain of the old time chain who’d ear’em down, grab a hank of mane then swing aboard the hurricane and fan ’im ’til he stopped.

  “So, how ’bout you? You forked a few?” He meant to let me parlez-vous and prove for true I’d been there, too, whenever the flankman pulls. I said, “Oh, well, I rode a spell,” but more than that I didn’t tell this hardcore Hell Creek clientele ’cause, hell, I used to ride bulls!

  PROLOGUE

  The Present

  March 3, Lafayette, Louisiana

  Cooney Looks Back

  A rugged, kinda good-lookin’ cowboy was standing at the counter of a pawnshop in Lafayette, Louisiana. He was staring at a poster on the wall.

  “I know her,” he said.

  The dark-haired man behind the cash box looked up at the poster, then back at the cowboy.

  “Sure,” he said and went back to counting his money.

  Cooney Bedlam let his eyes linger on the poster.

  It was her, all right—the former Miss Pica D’TroiT, with a long Eye and capital Tease.

  She was standing in an aerie on a rock cliff, her fiery reddish-blonde hair fanning out behind her like flames on Batman’s cape. Black leather bandoliers crossed her white tank top while a falcon perched on her gloved right hand. In the other she brandished a black and silver Model P2 .44-caliber automatic pistol.

  Powder River Projectiles, Maker of Fine Firearms was emblazoned across the bottom of the poster.

  But it was her cocky smile that held him. Alluring certainly, but hinting of a slightly hazardous, slippery-when-wet sort of danger. A predator’s smile, one that should be labeled Watch Your Step.

  Cooney remembered the first time he’d seen it, the smile, that is: in Tucson, at La Fiesta de los Vaqueros Rodeo in February, a little over a year earlier. Gosh, it seemed like it had been ten years. He had won the saddle bronc riding that afternoon, which qualified him to compete in a match bronc riding with the reigning Pro Rodeo Cowboys Association (PRCA) world champion saddle bronc rider.

  At the party afterward, Cleon List had offered a toast to two of the best saddle bronc riders in the world today. But there weren’t just two at the party. There was another full-fledged, all-natural, bronc-forkin’, rough stock rider in the crowd . . . with painted toenails. It was none other than Pica D’TroiT, distaff cowboy and part-time Powder River pistol-packin’ pawnshop pinup girl.

  Looking up at the poster in the pawnshop, Cooney realized he was holding his breath. He took a deep one and let it out.

  ACT I

  CHAPTER 1

  February, One Year Earlier

  The Tucson Fiesta de los Vaqueros

  The matched competition was a post-rodeo event that had become a local feature at the Tucson Fiesta de los Vaqueros Rodeo. Not officially sanctioned by the PRCA, a rodeo committee member, Cleon List, exuberant fan and high roller, had devised it as a way to have one more party, putting up $5,000 for the winner, $2,500 for the loser. If they both bucked off, two more horses were drawn, and they tried again, ad infinitum. In the past ten years they had never gone past round 1.

  Cooney’s competition was Lionel Trane, the current world title holder. He was the man to beat. Lionel epitomized the traditional saddle bronc rider—aristocratic, seamless, elegant, graceful, made of steel that bent like an epee.
He was purpose, poise, and power, poetry in pursuit of perfection.